Never Fight Your Feelings
by That Old Black Magic
Summary: Songfic. Brennan's feelings on Booth. Set to Nature's Law by Embrace. BB angst. Oneshot


A/N: Another songfic by moi. This one is set to Nature's Law by Embrace. Please, do enjoy and if you want to, review.

I tried to fight the feeling, the feeling took me down  
I struggle and I lost the day you knocked me out  
Now everything's got meaning, the meanings bring me down  
I'm watching as a screening of my life plays out

Brennan struggled in vain. She knew there was no point in trying to fight the inevitable but she still battled on. The harder she fought, the harder he became to resist. The day came where she gave up. The simple touch of his hand on hers and her heart was his.

Now every touch left her hoping for a deeper meaning, a hint of his feelings. But the deeper she searched for meanings, the more disappointed she became when she could find none.

Brennan no longer felt like herself. This was not logical. She almost felt as if her life had been taken over by a script writer, sending the story in the direction they wanted it to go. She was just the poor soul being forced to live it.

Every day I fight these feelings  
For your sake I will hide the real thing  
You can run all your life, all mine I will chase

Every day, Brennan went to work and fought her own nature She couldn't give into these urges, these _wants_. If she did, she might end up ruining her good relationship with Booth.

So for him and the sake of their precious friendship which she could not bear to lose, she hid her true feelings. Tried to pretend she did not feel for him on a deeper level. Tried to push him away when all she wanted to do was pull him closer.

Brennan knew in her heart, that wherever Booth chose to go, she could not help but follow him there, backing him up all the way.

You should never fight your feelings  
When your very bones believe them  
You should never fight your feelings  
You have to follow nature's law

This was all Brennan could think of, night and day. No matter where she was or what she did, he was constantly on her mind. The love she felt for her partner echoed down in her bones and in her very soul. Was this the way things were meant to be?

I'll live with never knowing, if knowings gonna change  
I'll stop a feeling growing, I will stay away  
Like a broken record, stuck before a song  
A million beginnings, none of them the one

If things could be promised to never change, then she would give in to him and his charm. Her heart would have everything it desired. She wasn't asking anyone to tell her what to do or how he would react.

She wanted to discover all of this for herself. But then if she did know how things were going to pan out, it might be a good thing. But she could live with never knowing, never knowing how to deal with these feelings, if it meant the sparkle of her and Booth's special bond would, somehow, diminish.

Again, her mind came back to how easy it would all be if she didn't view Booth like this. She could run away, be distant and assign Zack as his anthropologist. But then, did she really want to stop feeling about him?

Brennan was beginning to feel like a broken record, going round and round. She could never find a place to start. There had to have been a million moments, when she could have showed him her sentiments, but she yet to find the courage. She could imagine a million scenarios and still none of them would be right.

Every day I fight these feelings  
For your sake I will hide the real thing  
You can run all your life, all mine I will chase

Was she forever doomed to walk around, feeling unrequited love? She didn't think she could stand it a moment longer. But she must. Nothing must ruin what she had with Booth. All she had to do was try harder, put more effort in. That's it, she wasn't trying hard enough. Put Booth completely from your thoughts now, Bren… You're lying Bren. Nothing can make you try harder than what you already are.

If Booth only wanted to be her friend, should she ever reveal her feelings, then she could live with that. No regrets. Yeah right, who was she trying to kid? He could push himself as far away from love as he wanted and she would still be there for him, her heart wide open, welcoming him right in.

You should never fight your feelings  
When your very bones believe them  
You should never fight your feelings  
You have to follow nature's law

Brennan hated being confused. How the hell was she supposed to cope, suppressing her emotions all the time? It was like refusing yourself oxygen, it simply wasn't to be done. 'God' had intended everyone to feel, so she was practically fighting nature's law.

I wrote her letters and tried to send them  
In a bottle I place my hope  
An S.O.S full of good intentions sinking  
Will you give it to me, don't make me wait  
You built me up, knocked me down  
But I will stand my ground  
And guard this light that I've found

She thought maybe, if she was going to express things, that she would be better doing it on paper. She must have killed whole forests by herself for the amount that ended up crumpled in the bin. And for the book-worthy amount, ones that were actually good, hidden away in a secret place under her floorboards.

In these, she could place every last one of her naïve hopes. Feelings were best done in ink, in her opinion. She could send them away to her partner, filled to the brim with every last one of her good intentions and if what was felt wasn't reciprocated, then it could simply be never mentioned again.

If she said it face to face, then it would have to be addressed. And she couldn't take the shame and embarrassment if he knocked her back. But say he didn't knock her back. He might feel everything she did and should he, she doubted she could wait a moment longer to hear them said.

Many times, she had considered the possibility he was hinting at something but then, as usual, they turned out to be mere nothings. But she would stick with Booth and guard him. Because she had never felt so deeply about anyone. Even if it wasn't felt back, this was something worth protecting.

You should never fight your feelings  
When your very bones believe them  
If you let them show, you'll keep them  
I know your hurt but soon you'll rise again, again, again.

So I won't fight my feelings, she decided. Her heart was aching with love just needing to be given away and she was destroying herself slowly, by hiding it all away. Because maybe if she showed her feelings, her and Booth could give the whole romance thing a shot. She could keep her feelings and wouldn't feel like she was ticking time-bomb, just ready to explode with emotions.

She had been hurt in the past, that was true. But she knew Booth was ultimately different. She could rise to new levels of happiness and that's what every girl dreamed of. A happy life with the man she loved.


End file.
